f you are a grandparent, parent or teacher, you have experienced those moments when your grandchild, your child or student has done something wrong, sometimes something very wrong.
Naturally, you become angry or troubled or frustrated, or all of them together. What do you do in this situation? There are several ways of responding to this situation. First, you can come out with a flood of words blaming or criticizing this child or student.
This is psychological and mental torture that does not help. Instead, it makes this child feel unappreciated, discouraged and self-depreciative. Instead of helping, you make the situation worse for this child or student.
But there are those who believe that in this situation, the stick is the solution. They spank the child or student. In schools, the Ministry of Education allows not more than four sticks by the Head-master or by another teacher who has the Head-master’s permission in writing. We all have heard of students who died, some recently, due to beatings by teachers.
In homes, we have more than plenty of examples of parents who believe that the stick is the solution in raising children. We have also heard of parents who killed their children during these physical punishments.
There is another way of responding to this situation by a parent or a teacher.
This is the best way and this is the reason I am writing this article today. I am guided here by the experience of my maternal grandfather. We, his grandchildren, spent a lot of time with him. As children, we made mistakes, sometimes great mistakes. Now, looking back, his responses surprise me.
He would not respond immediately. He would be silent for a while. If I was doing something wrong or saying what I should not say, he would tell me to stop it in a serious but gentle tone. If he became angry, you could see that his anger was under control.
Then later he would call us and let us know that what we did was wrong. He would tell us a story of someone who had bad behavior and who ended up badly in life. He would not punish us physically, mentally or psychologically. He was totally in control of himself. He raised us through gentle but firm directives, not by sticks and abuses. He used wisdom, tolerance, counseling and understanding to raise us.
📌 Prof. Raymond S. Mosha
📞 (+255) 769 417 886 | ✉️ mosha@depaul.edu
